


Of First Dates and Windswept Nobles

by pandragonman



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Blind Date, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 11:17:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15363432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandragonman/pseuds/pandragonman
Summary: Davepeta sets John up on a blind date, and he winds up surprised at how much he likes who he meets





	Of First Dates and Windswept Nobles

**Author's Note:**

> For the members of the Karkat Thirst Server

Your name is John Egbert, and you’ve been waiting for 5 minutes for your date to show up, you don’t think this would be an issue for you normally, but you haven’t ever really dated anyone so you wouldn’t know , except vriska, but that was a doomed version of you and of her so you wouldn’t really count it, plus you have another issue: you don’t know who your date is or what they look like.  You’re really beginning to wish Davepeta had given you more to go off of besides a silly screen name they came up with for you and your date, but that’s all they gave you to identify her, “9rettyIn9ur9le”. You wonder who even came up with the idea of a blind date, probably someone who had a wall chart of every possible relationship between all their friends. You start to think this was a bad idea, you mean, Davepeta could have set you up with  _ anyone _ , a witch, a vampire, maybe even a clown. Nah probably not that last one, you think, Davepeta  _ knows _ how you feel about clowns, they wouldn’t set you up on a date with one of those.

 

You’re about to rise from the chair and leave when you hear a lighthearted yet surprisingly deep voice ask “Are you Ca9tain Win6sock, Sa6sack of the breeze?”.  You turn around gently to face a troll 2 heads taller than you, wearing white face paint that’s vaguely reminiscent of a cat. You aren’t sure what to be most surprised about, the embarrassing name Davepeta gave you that you have just heard for the first time, the sheer height of this troll, or the fact that Davepeta set you up on a date with a guy. You manage to find your voice and speak, albeit slightly higher pitched than usual “y-yeah. are...  are you prettyinpurple? not that i’m complaaaaaaaaining mind you it’s just... haha it’s pretty funny that we’re both dudes, right?” You’re softly panicking,  _ why would Davepeta do this _ , _ they  _ **_know_ ** _ you aren’t a homosexual _ ,  _ you’re pretty sure you’ve conveyed this sentiment to everyone you know _ , _ so why did they do this _ ?  “Sorry 6u6e, I’m not sure I get the joke”  He responds in a way that’s somehow flatly stated, yet easy-going.   _ Crap. _  “nevermind, it’s nothing.”  Why did you say it was nothing? It’s clearly  _ very _ something, it couldn’t be more something if you tried to make it more something, why haven’t you let him down already? Just tell him you aren’t a homosexual like a cornball old man and get it over with!  “hey i need to go to the restroom real quick, do you mind ordering for us while i’m gone?” “Sure thing” Your legs have already started walking to the restroom as you ask yourself why you let that perfectly good opportunity to tell him you aren’t interested just slip by.  You need to talk to Davepeta, they’ve got some explaining to do. 

 

You take out your cell phone and call Davepeta, it doesn’t take long for them to pick up.

 

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < hewwo?

JOHN: (davepeta what the FUCK?)

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *grins mischievously* i don’t know what you could pawsibly mean

JOHN: (my blind date is a guy, AND a clown.)

JOHN: (also a troll but most importantly he’s a GUY.)

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so?

JOHN: (so i’m not a homosexual? i don’t date men?)

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < you don’t KNOW that

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < lots of you dated men

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < just because YOU don’t remember all those other versions of you doesn’t mean they aren’t part of you

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i was just giving you a little push

JOHN: (what do you expect me to do now? hurt his feelings? tell him i’m not interested?)

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < are you sure you aren’t interested?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < you had him order already

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < just go through with the date and if you don’t like him don’t go on another date

JOHN: (sigh. fine but if he gets heartbroken it’s on you.)

  
  


You return from your not-bathroom break to find him casually smiling at you, and it hurts to think you’re going to disappoint him by not going on another date.  There’s an awkward silence for a few moments before you can’t take it anymore, you cough and speak “so, my name’s john.” He looks relieved that you spoke up first.  “obviously you probably already knew me, since i’m like the god of wind and all.” That was dumb, you sound full of yourself now, why are you so damn awkward around him?  “i mean it’s not a bad thing if you didn’t know me i wouldn’t be surprised if i was like the least popular god or something…” Wow. That sentence sure did just fall out of your mouth, and it didn’t help you look any less conceited.  “i’m just saying it’s cool either way you don’t have to know me or not know me if you don’t want to i don’t wanna pressure you into fee-” He lets out a warm laugh and thank GOD his voice is so soothing, you mean, thank god he interrupted you, not that first thing, that first thing was definitely not a thought you just had.  “You 6on’t have to talk if you 6on’t wanna 6u6e, it’s fine, you’re clearly nervous. I’m Kezias by the way.” Oh, you don’t have to talk, that’s great, you feel like a weight has been lifted off your chest. You may not be interested in men but he certainly has a way of making you feel good.

 

You don’t say anything while waiting for your food, you’re a bit preoccupied listening to Kezias go on about whatever topic he feels like, and your thoughts drift from how nice he looks in his suit to how well his hair is done to the calm smile on his face as he talks to you.  You hope you don’t look bored, his story sounds really interesting and you wouldn’t want him to feel like you were disinterested. The waiter comes by asking if you want a refill on your drink, you tell him that you’d like some grape soda. When your meal comes you find you’re really enjoying his company, and you’ll stop eating however briefly to let out a genuine laugh when he tells a joke or smile when he compliments you.  You eventually finish your meal. 

 

You start to feel… sad? when he gets up to go?  You get up to stop him without thinking. “wait!” He turns to face you. “i”  You stop to collect your thoughts, it shouldn’t be this hard to think with him around. “i... had a really nice time tonight.”  Kezias looks a bit shocked for a second, then grins a bit wider than before. “I did too, Joh-” “i had a really nice time tonight, and i think i want to do it again, not at like a fancy restaurant though, maybe my place? we can watch some movies and have dinner there?”  A look of understanding spreads across his painted face, and you can almost swear there’s a hint of purple rising to the surface. “Uhh, sure thing, that soun6s great, I’ll be there, you’ll send me the info, right?” “yeah.” You respond, though you still want to be around him just a little longer.  A stray thought comes to mind, and before you even have a chance to entertain it or deny it your body is putting it into action. Grabbing Kezias’s collar and flying just high enough off the ground to be at eye level with him you hesitate, your heart is beating like a drum solo and you’re scared out of your mind, but your arms move for you and pull you into him.  The kiss is short, sweet, and nothing to write home about, but the panic you drove yourself into to do it and the feelings you acted on make you feel like you were a world war one housewife who hadn’t seen her husband in years and passionately rekindled your her love for him in a cliched minute-long makeout session. 

 

He walks you out of the restaurant, your heart still buzzing from what you just did and your mind racing with questions of what this means for you and why you did it.  You remember you didn’t take a car here, you just flew and you tell him this. “I can 6rive you home, if you want.” You nod to tell him that you’d enjoy that. You don’t want to be out of his company for a second, and it seems that he feels the same.  Kezias drives you home, but you invite him in, claiming that it’s late. He protests briefly, but ultimately decides to stay. You lay on your bed for the night, giddy and anxious over recent events, the last thought that drifts through your mind before you sleep is the most exciting thought you’ve had in a while.  “i’m john egbert, and i have a boyfriend.”

 


End file.
